- My group of friends suddenly ghosted me without ever explaining why.
- I blamed myself and felt insecure because I never got closure.
- I'm still healing and learning to trust people again.
I texted my group chat one gloomy winter evening when I was 16, asking my friends to meet. When nobody replied to my text, I called them. The phone rang for a good 45 seconds before the call disconnected. I was used to being ignored sometimes, but surely not everyone was busy, right?
A couple of hours later, I saw that everyone had posted Instagram stories with each other. Feeling betrayed, I texted everyone asking why I was not invited to this secret hangout, only to be met with no replies. That was the last time I spoke to them.
We had been friends for a few years, as we all lived in the same apartment complex growing up. We used to hang out several times a week, but slowly, they distanced themselves from me.
For years after my friends outcasted me, I gave excuses for their behaviors. I told myself they just weren't in the right mind space to maintain conversations. There were other points where I blamed myself and felt nothing but self-loathing.
Slowly, I learned that quiet quitting friendships is common.
I blamed myself for my friends leaving me behind
In hindsight, there were signs. My friends always delayed in calling me back and rarely answered my text messages. Sometimes, I blamed myself for putting on a veil and not seeing what was right there, and sometimes I blamed them for being so cruel.
My mother always tells me that all experiences are learning curves. While I think this was her way of consoling me and asking me to be more strategic with my friendships, I was knee-deep into the quicksand of my insecurities.
Initially, I lost confidence and believed each friendship breakup was my fault. I thought I'd have better friends if only I were pretty or rich enough.
Occasionally, I imagined scenarios where I confronted them and demanded answers.
I found the concept of quiet quitting friendships
While doomscrolling through TikTok, I came across the term "quiet quitting" friendships.
The term is most commonly used when quitting a job, but people have started using the phrase to explain leaving friendships without any explanation.
Understanding this term felt like a personal win, as my feelings were justifiable. I also felt like I wasn't alone when I realized this was happening to other people.
I'm still healing and learning to build trust
It's been several yers now, but this experience left me with permanent but invisible scars. I'm still healing and learning to trust people again.
I'm triggered whenever a friend takes time to reply or someone's tone changes. When Snapchat memories pop up, I still wonder where it went wrong.
I still daydream about my friends taking a different approach. I imagine them confronting me and being more transparent as they take a break from the friendship. I imagine myself crying, but I also see a sense of closure and a cue to move on.
It's the unanswered questions that keep me from fully healing. But I now must accept that some friendship breakups do not come with closure.
I'm trying to turn this into a positive learning experience. I learned that I do not want to be like them. If I have a problem in the future, I will be transparent and discuss it with my friends — not just ghost them.
It's up to me to stop the cycle because I have been on the other end. I know how it feels to be left alone to be fed to the wolves of my mind.